mend this broken heart....

crossing over

2010-02-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

it's been a long & cranky weekend,

& today's the last day of the lunar year,

happy Chap Goh Mei peeps!!

crossing over thru pain, hurts & tears [ all seem 2 b black & white when ur' gone ]

been lazing around this weekend...

eyes tuned on my all-time fav series- Charmed!!

haha...

s2dies???

ermm....

i'm workin' on that..

reli i am...

haizz....

jugglin' up so mny things.....

s2dies r drainin me!!!!

went out yesterday,

wif sherlyn, yvonne & ki...

roamin around, lost our way at cinta syang resort area..

1 hour plus, tho we had fun wif sme small talks....

had japanese 4 dinner,

then went 2 village mall....

played at the arcade n shop 4 sme silly stuffs....

was a great nite...

free of books!!!

2day, ermm....

sinkin deep into biochem....

all the chemistry- i cn't feel it, not the slightest bit!!!

lolx...

newayz,

wishin my fmily back home happy chap goh mei!!

wish i cud b home & join the gathering...

sob..sob..sob... T.T

'trust, relation, promise & heart, these 4 things should NOT be broken, for they'll not make any noise but once broken, they pain a LOT! '

till then,

u knoe u love me

xoxo

it's a new dawn...

2010-02-26T18:35:00.004+08:00

as the blog speaks 4 itself...

i've NOT been around 4 centuries now...

well, it's not the 1st time...

i'm owez on the run....

i'm still searchin' 4 that balance in my life..

.........still.....yup, that's certain.

the last post was abt Elaine's b-day,

things kinda hit the high road after then...

things havn't been the same since then.

i shall not grumble over those days here...

well, i went back 2 my hometown 4 CNY...

10 days or smwer arnd there...

it was great....

i missed home a lot!

i don't feel lke updatin on my CNY's celbration..

since that's wat every1 else is doin lately...

currently, dealin wif sme room issues...

movin out and in...

instability knocks me out these days.

honestly, i'm all knackered...

and worst still, my exams cmin up in a week.

my prep u might ask & wonder??

well, not much though...

i'm takin' this exam [CA3] quite lightly this time...

i juz can't push myself over the limit nymore...

TMTH [ too much too handle]..

lettin' it be...

all i'll do is give my best shot,

and see what's installed 4 me.

lots of thinkings hv been done lately...

circumstances changes it all.

& the best part is, u don't even know it's happening.

all i have left to say is

" the more you invest in something, the bigger the return is OR you might lose it all "

i'm picking up the remnants of those broken bonds...

knowingly it hurts me along the way,

i still do so, coz it matters to me, even if it doesn't to others.

life is a very funny thing u know,

there's ups and downs,

but what sticks 2 u the most is NONE.

it's the time-in-between that u'll remember the most...

in fairy-tales, the 'in-between' is the time when all that's unseen will be seen...

i guess that's our fairy-tales...

the love, joy, laughter, hurts, pain, tears....

those times we spent & shared 2gether,

cud be in the fittin' room, hostel, birthdays, cafe, airport, & other terminals of our lives.

our 'in-between' sticks to us whether or not we would admit it.

u know u love me

xoxo

of the 'fish mouth'

2009-10-30T00:21:00.002+08:00

hey fellas,

sorry for the long break from blog...

havin my postphoned exams...

went well laa....

not worth elaboratin much...

haha!!!!

well,

today,

30th October 2009,

is Elaine's birthday...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELAINE OH YIN LIN!!!

[FISH-MOUTH]

:pp

anyways,

went out with my bestie B 2day...

we bought elaine her presents & a b'day cake...

all customized under:

B & R

xoxo

haha!!

then,

headed 2 my crib...

we took some tady bits of our artistic site & 'did' more on the presents...

haha!!!

[turned out very nice le...]

:PP

called the b'day girl down...

met her at the girl's place...

we gave her pressie & cake...

she juz woke up from her deep slumber!!

pity girl...

lolxx

then,

B, me, tiff, miku, ki & ang celebrated her bday at cafe...

took some pics...

[will b updated soon]

all in all,

it was a simple one...

but we enjoyed it...

we loved her!!!

next week,

The Clique will throw her a party...

[can't wait..]

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

eeegleeeee!!!!!

2009-10-18T16:52:00.002+08:00

hey peeps!!!
haha...
been so free....
so takin' fully the advantage to blog..

recently,
i've been all 'head-over-heels' wif the latest series...

GLEE!!!!!

u guys should really watch this!!!

mucho fun!!!!

below are the cast of GLEE...

they are all super-fabulous!!!

voices of tomorrow!!!

with this,

HSM is sOOO way back lame....
heehee...
[mucho sorry if i've offended any HSM-maniac!!]

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

movie-lonesome

2009-10-18T16:24:00.002+08:00

hey peeps!!!

remember my once-upon-a-time post???
bout this piece from Jodi Picoult???
it's ok if u hapen not too....
understood mucho.....
i read it & it was so overwhelming...
love,love,love it!!

the holidays....
well, ur poor blogger boy here has been entrapped within 4-walls chamber...
F3A that is...
[my apartment]....
mucho lonely lorr....

to the least,
i've been watching sme movies...

[my sister's keeper]

very nice!!

not as god as the book...

but it's still good.

it reaches out to the vague reality of life...

lol.

7/10

[the time traveller's wife]

love,love,love this!!!!

it's a damn great book, & the movie, to me it lives up to the book...

tear-jerking mucho!!!!

hate the ending though...

i couldn't stop cryin...

in fact, still sobbing now...

8/10

[sorority row]

haha...

i never intended to watch this...

but upon readin 'hilda's' blog...

i'm interested...

so went to watch.

it was not bad....

very dark & twisted...

love cassidy!!!

mucho agree wif hilda on her accent...

6.5/10

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

b-ball...

2009-10-17T22:47:00.002+08:00

heehee....

hey peeps!!!

today, had so much fun!!!

played basketball with my bestie B!!!

mucho fun!!!!

6-2

[gonna catch up]

haha!!!

been long since i had mucho fun....

tanx B!!!

another night alone...

huhu...

T.T

till then,

u knoe u love me

xoxo

all screwed-up!!

2009-10-16T19:35:00.003+08:00

this post wil not b a good one...

sorry fellas...

ur poor blogger boy is emotionally disrupted....

it's my mid-term break!!!

for heaven's sake,

i shud b enjoyin it...

instead....

i'm all alone...

i repeat!!!

ALONE!!!!

in this damn place!!!!

gosh...

u guys...

who know me well enuf...

i'm never good at being on my own...

bad things happen...

all the time....

i'm scared.

[iknowit'ssillytou..]

yea...am 19..but i'm still scared....

i'm sOOO nOOttt OOKkk....

to those who texted me...

called me...

n asked hw am i doin...

i appreciated it...

my love goes to all of u...

[comebackfast!!! idonwantobealone..]

can't sleep...

ate dinner oni...

been in tears like nearly all the time....

this is not a good thing 4 me...

GOD,

give me the strength...

to carry on...

i'm not under any meds...

or caffeine...

or anti-depressants pills anymore...

yet i felt lke i am...

ARGHHHH!!!!!

lungs r deflating....

heart tumbling down....

brain-dead!!!

I HATE THIS!!!

DON'T LIKE IT EVEN A BIT!!!!

i shud hve gone smwer...

i shud hv known i will be all alone...

i shud hve known that i can't be alone...

i shud hv known i'll b scared...

i shud hv known earlier!!!

can't take this anymore...

T.T

[sob...sob..sob..]

empty...

sad...

tear-jerking...

i'm not who i am...

hate u.

damnation? blessing?

2009-10-09T18:18:00.002+08:00

gosh....

my 1st CA [ continuous assesment ] is cming nxt week...

it's juz right down that bend over there....

there...

over there....

right next to me....

lots of other silly, well i could very say...

a series of non-therapeutic, & stress-stimulating events......

hve gotten thru me along the way....

all i can say is OMeffinG!!!!

is it a very much a damnation???

rather a blessing from above-the almighty???

either ways....

i'm sure it doesn't really matters....

it's always about me in the end...

[haha!!! self-acclaimed-remark!!]

**forgive the vague vanity**

:PPP

anyways.....

well....

as the ages-dated saying goes...

there's always a silver lining on cloudy days...

well..i kinda 4got the actual line...

[heehee...nahh...self-editing...]

back to the main point....

things r goin up 4 me n my buddies...

haha....

my 2 silver linings who kept me goin..

[tanx B&R!!]

watever ppl wan to say...

watever things we hv said abt us...

watever u hv or wanted 2 say....

watever goes around....

all that matters is what we think...

all i nid 2 know was the truth of it all...

it's enough that i knoe U cared & will always be there 4 me...

datz all a humble,merely friend could ever ask for.

tq 4 dat.

okie dokie pokie tokie....

time 2 hit those piles of medical books!!!

wishing all my MBBS batch 15 & BDS batch 5 all the very best in CA!!!!!

wish me well 2, yea?? :PPPP

till then,

u knoe u effin lov me

xoxo

lost hope.

2009-10-04T14:43:00.002+08:00

days grow longer,

as time goes by,

things....

people....

take their tolls in changes.

may love remains.

may hope remains.

may faith remains.

may friendship remains.

no matter how the weather change,

no matter how tough life can be,

no matter how cruel the reality is,

no matter how painful the truth is,

no matter how people keeps gettin on the way,

no matter wat the barriers are,

the questions are,

Does our friendship remains the same?

Do we stand a chance against all these?

Do I mean anything to u?

Does our friendship matters to u?

Does it gives u the rights to leave?

Am i ur friend,still or have i ever been a friend to u?

Am i ur bestie or a tool to be used all along?

[answer&end the doubts]

p.s: forgive me for my part in these issues of ours...i've lost hope in this friendship..i can't do this anymore.. so i beg u... if there is hope.. enlighten me.

till then,

xoxo

..broken-hearted???

2009-09-22T02:45:00.003+08:00

anywayzz....

i am currently glued to this song...

'broken-hearted girl' by Beyonce

here's the lyrics to ponder on...

[the lyrics really hit me as i felt it has something to do with what i'm facing currently]

T.T

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

u know u love me

xoxo

...morning terror...

2009-09-22T02:36:00.002+08:00

olaaa...

it's currently 2.36am...

and i'm fully awake...

hahaha!!!!

hols doesn't feel like hols at all now...

it's raya & i'm stucked in campus!!!

ARGHH!!!!

been spending my expandable hours in room....

all by myself....

listening to musics...

counting 'sheeps' crossing my mind...

facebooking....

assignments-multitasking....

haizz....

lame...lame...lame....

will somebody save me????

plsss...........

[frustration to the max!!]

u know u love me

xoxo

aleen's b-day!!!

2009-09-13T20:57:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARLEEN ATICA BTE DAVID ISMADI!!!!

sorry yea...

i didn't call u last nyte...

was so exhausted...

i went back room & fell into deep slumber...

very sorry my dear...

newayzz...

wishin u all the very fabulous in life...

rmember our deal k???

R&H!!!

muahhxxx!!!

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

updates!! [xoxo]

2009-09-13T18:41:00.009+08:00

haizzz....

been rusty all over the edge now haven't i??

apology won't do me any good...

yet i'm still sorry...

T.T

anywayzzz,

here are some scoops on my bestfriend, Richard's homecoming party..

pictures worth a thousand words...

that's richard..

lmao

2 crazy dudes on the see-saw...

haha!!

tiff, alvis, me & ki...

sherlyn, me, tiff & alvis..

[love ur dress sher!!]

nic,sher,elaine,me,ric,tiff & alvis..

camwhores...haha!!

we were imagining hawai here...

lolxx..

diz..haishoo...

our modelling cover!!

vogue-Blown Away!!

haha!!!

posing over the gigantic elephant sculpture..

should hve been on top of the elephant huh??

lolxx...

well...

below is a very embarassing pic of some1 u might know...

-discretion advised-

haha!!!

tada!!!

spastic modelesque!!!

haha!!!!

[not dat bad though..]

hahaha!!!

love this!!!

nic n me...

the early-comers at You Turn Garden...

[i meant: the earliest!!]

no1 else was there...

haha...

more n more of us....

muahxx...

oh yin lin n me...

xoxo

me, tiff & elaine...

haha!!!

posing over the carlsberg...

angan2 muk jadi carlsberg model la ni...

lolxx!!!

me & my bestie Bong Bong...

[he caught dat prawn btw.. :P]

here's our very own sweetest couple of the day..

ric & nic...

hearts 2 u both!!!

haha!!

here are my 2 bestfriends...

finally the 3 of us are back in action...

[hope all 3 of us will stay as best buddies xmatter wat]

love both of ya!!!

xoxo

ric & me...

i fell over a 'fake' clam here!!

haizz...

s2pid clam!!!

haha!!!

the clique's photo 1...

the clique's photo 2

[all of them are my crazy buddies...my family..]

love ya all!!!!!

waa..

tanx 2 starbucks!!!

i finally got to update my blog...

sorry guys 4 the delay...

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

sympatico

2009-08-24T16:09:00.003+08:00

hey ya' all!!

been so light-headed lately...

& so was my blogging....

losin my grip on the bloggy-motor skill....

apologiesssss yerr.....

been a tady bit of a sloth now....

went thru my orientation...

well, for 2 days only...

spent the remaining days in the hospital...

was a suspect for H1N1....

muahahhaa....

spent 5 days hospitalized....

lost my sanity as well.....

since we're in the 'sickness & health' section here,

heehee....

my bestie fell sick.....

poor dopie... :(

after our penang trip moo.....

soooooo,

here's to Bong Bong....

GET WELL SOON YEA!!

i'm sure you will....

you wouldn't get infected mo....

got ur 'spirulina essence' ma...

hehe.....

givin ya a dose of optimism....

sigh....never thought that life could be so dull as it is now....

went out 3 days straight....

non-stop flow of money....

pouring out on each sight of fancy stuffs....

gotta cut off my expenses at the very hour...

chopchopchop!!!!

okie....

gotta go class now...

will write some more 2nyte.....

soon....

u know u love me

xoxo

b'day Sherlyn!!

2009-07-09T23:23:00.007+08:00

hi there....

a dedication....

her birthday is actually on the 10th of july...

am writing before midnyte...

so forgive the pre-bday post yea....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERLYN CHING LIN CHEA!!!

you're 19 dy right??

wishing you a blessed and joyous birthday!!!

this is Sherlyn...

my friend whom i met at Aimst...

very nice person and a good friend...

hope you're enjoying your birthday!!

sending you all The Clique's love to you..

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

bubbly fido...

2009-07-09T15:42:00.005+08:00

haiz....

[sigh][sigh][sigh][sigh]

if it was to me....

the sigh will keep on going....

endlessly.....

currently am so sick of boredom...

it's like a disease without cure!!!

i swear if there's a cure,

i would give up anything,

[well,maybe not 'anything'..]

the point here is...

i just would do anything to kill this boredom once and for all.

okie dokie...

let's end the melodramatic part of my story...

yesterday was fun!

very fun actually!!!

went out with aleen, clare, epah & chrystal!!

that's chrystal!! my all-time sweetheart!! muahahaha!!! missed her lots!!

it was great to finally meet her...

been ages since i last saw her...

she ain't changing any bit..

hahaha!!!

luv ya!!!!

all of the girls..epah,chrys,aleen & clare..

[i was the only guy apparently]

naa...that doesn't stop me from hvin a hell of a gud time!!

hahaha!!!

this was the part where we punk'd chrys about clare being a Moral high-school teacher...

she totally fell for it!!!

that's the best part of all..

hahahaha!!!

we even told her how clare was fired by the great Ling Tung Kong!!!

hahahaha!!!!

laughing at chrys being so naive...

hahaha!!!

and of course...

me being the master-mind 0f all got pinched by chrys..

it hurts weii...

hahaha!!!!!

later,

as we finished our bubble drinks...

clare thought of 'pee-ing'..

hahahahahaha!!!!!

the rest just went along....

we went to the New World's for toilet...

can you imagine how spoiled and lavish we were????

muahahaha!!!!!

epah...invited me to the girl's room...

i hesitated at first..

but then...

how can i say no huh???

so the boy did go in.

[lips-sealed-okie??]

a girl just gotta do what girl gotta do rite???

chrys and aleen..aren't they so sweet???

chrys just can't put her watermelon's bubble down huh??

hahaha....

me and aleen dear...i can't miss the chance to camwhore in the ladies' room can't i???

here's clare..trying out the hand lotion in the toilet...

hahaha...

she was all over it...

hahaha...

that's the hand sanitizer and hand lotion..

very much handy indeed!!

then, there's this sensor-cut toilet paper thingy...

we were all so damn crazy about the silly thingy...

we even took a video of clare using it with some kung-fu moves...

hahaha!!!!

the amount of tissue papers we wasted...

hahahaha!!!

guess we were SO NOT environmentally-conscious...

sorry Mother Earth...

another crazy session and some more camwhoring...

clare was trying to open the freakin door...

hahaha!!!

and when she did...

it was 'SO-PROVEN' that she's has a multi-strength super-power!!

hahaha!!!

finally,

i had to go since i had to pick my mum from work...

so we all were in my car...

took this picture so many times...

hahahaha!!!

[i felt so bad that i had to leave so early]

sorry guys...

anyway,

it was a great time...

worth every seconds with all of you!!

love ya all,

chrys, aleen, clare & epah!!!

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

tues-flash!!

2009-07-09T14:57:00.004+08:00

hey there...

here's a lil bit something from last tuesday...

i was at the car-wash service centre to send my car...

for some much-needed polishing and washing and brushing...

mwahahaha!!!

then, called aleen to ask her out...

[no-chance-at-all]

she's busy....

huhu....

so, went on texting clare...

then,planned on goin out at nite..

around 8.30pm...

clare picked me up..

with her sporty-driven machinery...

hahaha...

off to aleen's only to find out she's sick..

so went off to epah's....

the 3 of us had no idea where 2 go...

so off we went to the night-market...

it was a random decision...

hehehe =P

bought some food before we went to riverfront....

we sat by the rocks mounted on the side...

here's epah....

can u see her??

now..with tady bit of flash.. =P

then, we went to epah's hangout corner...

the Fishing Village...

clare with her sarcastic jokes...

epah..smooching my camy..muahaha..

our longan...haha...

[told them the story bout me choking over 2 longans b4..]

haha!!

my drink..honey dew milk..

[very nice!! smoochie much!!]

can't waste any sip...haha..

that's clare's brand new hp N79..was flashing it all over..haha!!

clare bragging over her 5mp cam..huh!! hahaha!!!

there were so many kittens at the place..

can't help but took some pics of them...

begging for some longans

[not-a-chance-in-hell-kitten]

hahaha!!!

evil much..

random pic...

by almost midnite...

we all took off...

they both sent me 1st...

in the car...

we were jamming over cool tracks!!

our fav: track 2!!

rihanna's hatin on the club...

track 2!!

off to bed afterwards....

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

b'day Max!!!!!

2009-07-08T11:17:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAXIMILIAN WONG JING!!!!!

today's my friend's Max birthday!!!

you're 19 dy lo...[hope i'm right =P]

mwahahaha!!!!!!

met this guy a year ago at AIMST....

trust me....

he's a DAMN great photographer!!!

loved all his pictures!!!!

he's a great, wonderful friend....

may you be blessed in this life,

and may all is well along your way thrudging through this life....

enjoy your b'day today!!!

am sending all The Clique's love to you on this day!!!

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

saturday fever!

2009-07-06T13:31:00.005+08:00

here's a little something from last saturday at kuching,

[4th july 09]

went to The Spring..

uhh...

well...

not my 1st time..

thought the place would be better by time,

naa...

guess i was wrong...

it was NOT!

apology extended to all kuching peeps.

the place is morbid!

nothing that can actually excites any normal being in there.

the infamous 'spring' [dreadfully murderous!]

well, at least it has this picturesque landscape in front..

love that -big-reddish-green-unknown-flower-

after a whole afternoon wandering mindlessly at the mall,

was prep 2 go to 'the redeems' at night...

there's this ritualistic function held there by the bidayuh's at Apar, Besingai...

went with my mum,aunt's and uncle...

the peeps

the great holistic bamboo+log of stairs at front

that's the ritual centre where some apeasement ceremony was held...

the whole thing was to chase evil spirits away from those evil ones...

in short-exorcism[longhouse style]

then, i wandered round the bamboo-based longhouse...

found some traditional items...

bidayuh's treasuries...

this i personally love..it's a wooden deco thingy...

[i-dunno-watz-its-for] hehe...

both my aunt and mum were in the spotlight...

haha....

aunt grace the local modelesque..

mum..enchanting the moon...

later, there were a few priestess on cradle[swing some-like] chanting over their respective GOD...

the whole thing was cool...

with a tady bit of creepy noises...

the cradle priestess

this is the Baruk..

history has it, it was where the bidayuh's placed the head of iban's warriors..

if you happen to know, iban's and bidayuh's do not go very well together back then...

there were wars and so on...

next were some local performances...

my personal favourite...

the melanau legacy dance...

that's the melanau guy on a bamboo stick...

this is the apeasement dance i talked about earlier...

then, oopss...

i forgot to mention that our very own CM, Taib Mahmud was with us that nyte...

he was the one behind all this event...

i got my chance up-close with him..

and shook his hand...

that's the CM..

waving as he made his way through the longhouse..

CM getting personal with the locals..

haha....

the CM is kinda cool...

old yet still has the edge of youthness...

hahaha!!!

went to this local exhibitory garden...

found this piece of a traditional bidayuh's jacket...

loved it!!

but can't buy...

huhu...

then...

went on a stroll over the garden...

by midnight,

we went on having late night supper by the bamboo house...

so tired to snap any pics then...

got back to my grandpa's cottage...

and slept...

till then

you know you love me

xoxo

belated b'day[sorry]

2009-07-06T12:36:00.002+08:00

just got back from kuching last nyte...

drooling over exhaustion...

been travelling a lot....

currently am in an awfully, sickening mode.

that's it.

might even have the current virus affairs.

hahaha!!!!

[cough..sneeze..drooling..]

naa.....

wouldn't go that far...

hahaha....

by the way,

last 4th of july,

was my friend Ang's birthday...

and also my cuzzie Debbie's....

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF THEM!!!

[i'm sure Ang had a great time....he told me all about it this morning..haha!!]

was on the phone with him before lunch...

nice to hear from a friend after a while.

he sounds happy...good for him...

ang xi yuan

debbie

oh yea,,

4th of july was also the day...

kirath went to london...

so wishing him the best of time there!!!

hahaha!!!

been chatting with him mostly...

can't get off the phone when he's on the other side..

hahaha!!!

were cracking and bursting in tearful laughters all night long...

hahaha!!!

kirath is SOO full of humour..

tanx ki!!!!

[needed all the laughs much]

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

vuitton-freak..

2009-07-03T12:46:00.008+08:00

yup...
that's true...
since earlier this year...
i have been over the moon on louis vuitton..
haha...
guess nothing can ever stop my shopaholism+narcissim vibe huh??

well...
there's nothing wrong with that...
it's my very own guilty pleasure...
haha...
dad juz bought mum a very chic LV purse..
and am extremely envious!!!
arghh!!!!

when am i gonna get some of those LV pressies????
[doppie eyes+crossed fingers]

by the way,
while cruising through the web,
found this site on LV..
since Takashi Murakami collaborated with LV in 2003,
LV has never been better...
well....
this year it gets even better...
there's a film animation made following the superflat monogram [2003],
now it's called superflat first love!!
cool huh???

LV is SOOO worthy of FIRST LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

that's LV's superflat first love!!

and,and,and,

i've found some very cool,chic,stylish[well,at least for me]
sneakers by LV & Kanye West!!!

gosh!!!
wouldn't they just look even better on my feet????
[absolutely!!]
haha...
vain much...

loved them!!!!!
someone please get me a pair????

here's a baseball cap from LV..
cute...
having that luxurious sense with you all day long...
it's a must-have!!
i want it!!!!

this on the couture side...
it's the super-luxe louis vuitton monogram leopard adele...
the one and only in its category...
it's super-chic leopardy details on both low-ends give it a more visualistic approach...
urban-dupped with an add of lusty pleasure...
great for those who are keen on couture details...

both the above are among the monogram multicolour collection by LV
LV is not only for those whom i may say overly-matured...

sorry...
can't possibly call them old though...
hehe...

LV has a whole range for editorial and adolescence approach...
this is one among many....

okie dokie, can't cntinue more...
wish i could...
currently at kuching...
family gathering for my 1-year deceased uncle...

may GOD have mercy on his soul
rest in peace.

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

the walk...

2009-06-30T21:21:00.003+08:00

oo....

as i got back the other day,

went to aleen's place...

we hang out at her place that afternoon....

went out to shop for junk foods later...

in aleen's ride...

was great...

haha...

that's aleen..my dearest friend..

smooching her i-phone...

that's oish & me...

aleen & oish on the see-saw...

i was the praz..snapping them...

haha...

look at that expression!!

aleen on the verge of enthusiasm...

all over the rod...

haha...

so cute rite??

oish...

regurgitating her mind over the 2-seated rod...

hehe...

then, oish saw some empty spots on the swing...

we ran over to have some swing...

hahaha...

childish much??

naa...

juz hving fun...

hahaha!!

aleen...

pumped with adrenaline rush all over...

hehe...

oish in the air...

[i really hope she don't mind me putting up this pic]

sorry oish...

waa....

that's a karatekao kick from aleen...

haha....

was blown away by her...

hahahaha!!!

we had this long walk to get some ice-cream...

hahaha...

came over these spot flooded with all these rusty looking leaves...

autumn much...

hahaha...

it was nearly dark when we were on our way back....

tiring walk...

but worth every moment...

had a great time with my 2 gorgeous, dearest friends that day...

love ya aleen & oish!!!!!

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

b'day Gavin Man!!!

2009-06-30T21:14:00.003+08:00

well, today's gavin's birthday!!!

my dearest bro and friend!!

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY , GAVIN MAN and MANY MANY MANY MORES!!!

hope you have a great future ahead of you...

well, we both know that's SOO coming true..

hehehe....

till then,

you know you love me

xoxo

flutter,flutter~~

2009-06-30T20:41:00.004+08:00

sigh....

been late on the updates...

sorie...

didn't have the mood...

neither the time...

been travelling around so much...

well,

am not gonna post the pics though...

[confidentiality approved]

last week,

went 2 kl 4 exams...

stayed at corus hotel...

just right opposite klcc...

shopaholics craze was all over!!

randomness on the pavement.....

was snapping over the hotel...

my dining spot...classy but has the boredom vibe...

food was great though..

next day went to nikko's for meal...

didn't take pics..

sorie...

found this new facial mask...

by living proof of harley street, london...

bought the whole set!!

was on sale ma... =PP

got myself this pair of nike shoes too....

loved them...

that's the poor blogger boy....

knackered much after the exams...

7am till 5pm!!

with only an hour lunch break in btween...

dreadfully exhausting!!

didn't quite do well though...

but letting it go...

had breakfast at coffee bean the next morning...

my white choc drink...

awfully nice!!

aching for more...

hwahaha!!!

my breakfast....

the scramble wasn't that nice though...

a tady bit low in taste...

currently am drooling with this novel...

another great one from jodi picoult...

[it's recommended for u guys to read...]

hehe...

well, if you're in to lawsuit drama, family issues with and edgy writing...

it's really a nice book to read...

do try...

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

frustration-alert!

2009-06-02T19:07:00.004+08:00

gosh!!!

am in deep frustration at the moment..

been fretting over my exams....

nothing is going through my mind...

i cn't get anything through at all!!

arghh!!!!

so close yet seem so reluctant...

if you are a golfer...

you'll know how does it feel like....

that ball just by an inch to the glory-hole!!

haha!!

been quite some time since i played golf...

been rusty dy...

haizz...

i need colours!!

colours in my seemingly dull & gloomy life...

paint my life pls???

moving between places does not help at all...

thought it would ease this dilemma...

naa...

it's gettin worst...

sigh....

but got to meet my oldies cousins...

cumi,sheena,tity,kev,json,dan,vora & gab!!!

miss them so much!!!

all seem so different now...

ppl change....

but still we r cuzzies!!!

love you guys!!!

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

gawai dayak!!

2009-05-29T21:24:00.007+08:00

hey ya all!!!
it's the gawai dayak festival time once more...
well....
i'm celebrating....
so here's some pre-gawai post....

those are the guys[dayak guys we called them] performing the well-known Ngajat Dance...

or also known as the Hornbill dance...

[notice their headgears??]

those are real hornbill's feathers....

1 of those cost a fortune...

i mean if we're talking about authentic ones...

here are the ladies....

mostly are young girls...

just like u & me...

they will be dancing the dayak's dance...

at the end of the night,

gawai's eve that is...

1 of them will be crowned as the 'Kumang Gawai'...

means....

the fairest and prettiest of all...

so,

before gawai....

all the ladies would prep awfully lots...

to look their best at that night...

well....

guys are as well acknowledged...

haha!! [don't worry]

the loudest and best dancer in the Ngajat dance would be the king of the night...

there isn't any proper name though to call this guy...

[perhaps it slipped my mind-sorry!]

as info, all the dance have their own respective meanings and purposes with their unique moves and chants....

you can't simply dance out there...

it's a ritual dance...

sending gratitude to the Paddy Spirit...

and asking for a more bountiful year ahead...

This celebration of unity, aspiration and hope for the Dayaks mark the end of the rice harvest and ushers in another year of bountiful goodness. During this festival, almost everyone dresses in traditional costumes while the elders perform traditional rites.

First celebrated on 1st June 1965, it is the feast for the eyes with its colourful rituals, traditional music, cock fighting, feasting and games. It is simply a time for merrymaking.

these are the infamous rice wine...

or well known as 'tuak' by many...

different longhouse make different 'tuak'...

it tastes rather weird though...

[for me la... =P]

this is another famous gawai dish...

it's chicken cooked in bamboo...

we called it 'pansoh manok'

awfully delicious!!!

you guys will certainly crave for more...

this is 'umai Sarawak'

it's raw fish with lots of spices...

very appetizing!!

so, that's all for now...

will put up pics soon on actual gawai for me...

[to all my friends celebrating Gawai, Happy Gawai Dayak!!!]

[to those NOT, Happy Holidays!!]

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

googling~~

2009-05-28T17:54:00.002+08:00

hi there...
been ages huh???
well...
am back...

since the finals...
been so tied up...
the homecoming thingy~~~
grrr[dreaded it!!]

++plus++
been googling awfully lots these days...
well...
supposely for my cming exams...

idunnowathapenthen~~~
[got so caught up with the net...]
& u knoe what's next rite??
only 1%,i'm sure it could be less than the figure...
was on academic purposes....

sigh...
been updatin myself...
haha...
with my world of fashion...
project runway S5!!!
so damn smashing!!!
loved all the designs....
[perhaps 1 day i cud hve my own lines]
=PP

&& more top models stuffs!!!
hahaha!!!!

well...
don worry...
wil keep my promise...
will post those pics in my cming post...
with my exams around the corner...
&& gawai festival in few days...
u gotta know the pressure i am in...

sorry guys...

till then,

u know u love me

xoxo

randomness once more...

2009-05-04T21:34:00.002+08:00

it's currently my finals week..

so am sorry for not updatin' my blog...

will be posting more stuffs & pics soon!!

since study week,

everything seem to fall back into rightful places...

i'm happy now...

for all my friends.

leaving soon...

hope we'll have each other..

in the mere future,

who knows what or where we'll end up..

so 11 more days from now...

leave with no regrets...

love you guys!!

'the clique' lives forever in our memories.

till then,

xoxo

apology

2009-04-30T11:27:00.003+08:00

i am very sorry.

yesterday wasn't thinking right.

was raging in hormonal anger.

words just came out harshly and totally unnecessary.

to this 'guest', i apologize.

think all you want about me.

i hope you'll know me better.

to my friends who have supported me through this,

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

love all of you to bits!!

muahxx to u all!!

till then,

xoxo

FAKE YOU!!!

2009-04-29T21:47:00.002+08:00

FUCK!!!!!

AM CURRENTLY DAMN PISSED!!!

SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE,MORONE,STUCKED-UP 'SOMEONE'

JUST CALLED ME A FAKER.

WATTA??!!

HELL YOU!!!

U DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I REALLY AM..

WHOEVER YOU ARE...

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

U CAN CALL ME WATEVER YOU WANT..

THAT'S YOUR CIVIL RIGHT..

BEING UNCOUTH THAT IS...

BUT GET THIS STRAIGHT WILL YOU??

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!!

ME FAKE??

U WHAT??

FAGGOT???

FOOL??

FUCKER???

AS IF YOU ARE THAT sooo PERFECT???

MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOU...

I FORGIVE YOU.

ALLELUIA

AMEN.

to make you feel my love

2009-04-24T21:20:00.003+08:00

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I would offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

Oohhhh ohhohh

The storms of rage are rolling wild and free

Down that highway of regret

The wind of change is blowing wild and free

But you aint seen nothing like me yet

There aint nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the end of the earth for you

Make you happy

Make your dreams come true

To make you feel my love

am currently sinking deeply and madly with this song...

it touched my heart in a way i never expected to...

it means a lot to me...

i meant the lyrics...

love,

as we all can readily define,

is obviously not confined only to the 'love-birds' romance kinda love...

it's more than all those smooching around...

more than any of us here making out randomly...

yet,

we always overlooked these little things...

we didn't bother to know...

we just let the so-called ideal life lead us..

into this idyllic fabricated world of our mind...

it's such a waste though...

you could have the chance to love those around you...

a little bit more than you already did...

it would all make a difference...

yet we chose to settle for less.

you could tell your friends...

your bestfriends...

your close friends...

that you love them with all your heart...

yet, you chose not to...

cause, you felt it's unnecessary...

and some sort of weird...

even when it's the MOST normal thing to do!!

you could let your feelings and love out...

to reach out to your needy friends...

to let them know they have someone like you..

who actually loves them...

yet you chose not to...

cause you think it's a waste of time...

waste of energy...

shame on you.

you could have simply text your friends...

'i love you'

to give them the strength to carry on with this hectic life...

to give them the much-needed love in this barren life...

yet you chose not to...

cause you felt it's SOO lame...

SOO not important...

DAMN YOU!!

you could have tell your friends how much you love them...

how much you want them to be in your life...

how much you appreciate them...

how much they mean to you...

how much you long for them...

how you would never be where you are now without them...

BUT ALL THESE LITTLE THINGS....

WERE LEFT UNSAID,

UNDONE,

TILL,

THE VERY LAST MOMENT...

WHERE EVERY THINGS SEEM TO FALL APART...

AND COMES TO AN END.

[well, it's too late]

if you are a friend...

take some light steps...

let your friends know how you feel...

let them know you love them...

let them know you care...

let them know you miss them...

let them know you don't want to lose them...

cause if you don't do it now...

you'll lose them...

at least those who are truly your friends...

you might don't see them now...

you will by the time you had already lost them...

think.

act fast.

before it's too late.

till then...

regrets left unspoken

xoxo

morning glory =P

2009-04-20T01:20:00.004+08:00

woopeee!!!
=PP
i woke up damn early this morning....
8a.m.
[that's early for me on the weekend]
muahahaha....
usually i would be in deep slumber till noon cracks!!
sloth much huh??
[naa...just me having my very-much-needed sleep]

had breakfast with alvis...
gobi dumped us for the library!
bookworm??
nope...
lib-freak.
hehe..
sorry gobi...

the pathway to my dorm..

[dull huh?? was on the bench snapping]

=P took this random pic on my feet

[shows how desperate i am for a fun day-out!!]

huhu.. jamming my neuronal fluid over bio notes!!

[term 3's topics sUcks!! damn monotonous!!]

was revising on the bench...

under some shady trees...

damn steaminh hot that morning!

over 32 degree celcius!!

[summer much?? nope...]

only ran back to my room after the sudden bee attack...

it was no ordinary bee...

it was the huge, mutated-looking, coal-black bee....

stinging its way to me...

n my bio notes...

guess it overheard me cursing through the evolutionary forces on bio's...

hahaha!!!!!

slept instantly in room later....

till 2.20pm!!!

watta??!!!

missed my lunch!!

tummy was bursting in pylorical agony!!

[duncarethenjustgoonstudying]

felt the urge to text one close friend of mine late evening...

been missing him...

like hell!!

well, don't get me wrong...

we're like brothers...

at least to me...

=PP

he was asleep apparently.

got my reply the next few hours...

[patient much wei...]

glad to hear from him...

been ages..

neways,

just to let you know,

*i read ur dedication,

*it was very nice,sobby but nice.

*appreciated much & u're welcome!!

*& to remind you, i'm your old friend but

*i did not go away as u said, i'm still here my friend,

*always have,always will.

*so,don't think that way,okie dokie??

[sorry guys...that part was specially for 1 of my closest friend]

you've been in my life,

you've shared my past along with its darkest side,

you've been a dear friend to me,

we've had detours over our friendship,

but we've got through it.

so,let's get pass it,

and put us on track once more.

i've never substituted you,

never intended to,

so don't you dare turn away from me,

after all we've been through.

[StoB]

till then,

xoxo

pandemonium

2009-04-17T23:08:00.001+08:00

life...

mayhem much!!!

been my pandemonium now....

hate it...

yet stucked with it...

wattodoisodunno.....

haizzzz.....

oh yea,

to everyone...

am sorry that am not goin to edit the previous post...

lazy me....

am so tied up at the moment...

sorry yea???

back to my chaotic life....

2 weeks more to finals...

and i'm still at the edge of preps!!!

last minute huh??

haha...

that's me...

muahahaha...

just hope i can pull it all together this time...

*crossed-fingers*

this only means that few more time left for me to be here...

be leaving soon....

all the memories here....

gosh...

will be those i'll keep for a lifetime.

i've tried.

so damn hard to make peace,

to make things better,

before it all ends...

but why the other side just won't respond???

you are making things worst...

do u know that???

is it so fucking difficult to respond???

i'm sorry for the choice of words...

am buffled by your actions...

we are still ok la...

u know that...

plss....

what more you want me to say or do???

plss....

u trust me right??

i know i like to exxagerate stuffs...

but this,

i am being very honest,

and true to you..

plss....

plssss.....

will be waiting

still waiting

xoxo

knuckled!!

2009-04-16T12:41:00.000+08:00

haizzz....
this past few days....
have been so exhausting and mind-numbing to me...
i have no idea what's wrong with me or my life at the moment...

the only thing i'm sure of is i'm all knuckled up...
been hibernating most of the times...
dunno-why-just-can't-seem-to-wake-up...
hormonal issues perhaps???

sue me for that will ya???
hahaha....

oh yea...
went shopping last weekend....
OMG!!!
spent over 1000!!!!
guess my adrenaline just got xtra pumped!!
shopaholism invades this once serene mind of mine...
=PP

btw,,
something awful left me in doubts,
questioning me myself &
my relationship with some people...

i've got no response at all...
till now!!!
all i've gotten was ignorance + oblivious act!!
wattafuck??!!!!

am gettin so pissed off each day...
yet i composed myself well...
please la,k??!!!!
i don't know what else to say or do????

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO??!!!!
YOU'RE FUCKIN MUTE, ARE YOU???
IGNORANT MUCH!!!

despite all the stuffs you've been hiding...
i didn't even say it out...
like flight stuff...

i've been asking so many times...
all you said was 'I DON'T KNOW'
fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then go do behind me...
watta????

[subject to edit]

gtg..

xoxo

summer blast!!

2009-04-10T13:10:00.004+08:00

last thursday was our summer blast!!!
summer vacae for all june batch studs!!!!
in courtesy of our farewell party.....

yuppy yup....
agenda is sad,
but the nyte was effin fun!!!

the theme was summer vacae...
as a fashion expertie... =P,,,
i was in the hot, black & white summer theme...
since black & white iconic look is back for this summer....
sorbet colours are sOO in too!!!

ric helped me with my pick...
tanx ric!!!

so, here are some of the pics i took that nyte...

kirath & me

mr.june & me rockin the mic. off!!! yeah!!

ric [ the dazzling MC ] & me...

nic &me...

pri & me..my duet of the nyte..

rachel & me...

now..here's the queen of summer breeze, pravitha & me...

she's d'abomb!!!

anne & me..

june & me [ loved ur dress june! ]

well...

that's it for now...

i'll be putting up more pics soon...

bear with me..

muahxx..

to the friends i didn't get the chance to take pics wif....so sorry...

those who didn't even bother to take with me...

well,,it's ur lost!!!

[nxt time learn to appreciate will ya??!!]

&&&&&&

thank you so much tiff, elaine & ai ping for all your gifts!!!!!

i loved all of them so much!!!

appreciated much.

love ya all!!!

till then,

summer vacae

xoxo

all intricated...

2009-04-01T12:10:00.004+08:00

gosh...
am currently blogging from lecture hall!!!
yup...

caught me red-handed..
muahaha..
=P

sorry guys..
lately have not been posting pictures..
been all tied up...

exams in a month!!!
&&
ur dearest gossip boy here is SOO not up to the game yet...
nope...
am not a flunker!!!
haha...
will try 2 step up ASAP!!!

major damage control!!!!

btw,
been missing lots of things lately...
lectures...
tutorials...
haiz...

my ailness is gettin' the best of me.
gotta work on anti-depressant pills more!!!

hooliyaa....

&&
am goin kl this weekend!!!

yea!!!
so gotta getaway...
hate being alone all the time here!!!
am rotting here!!!
might as well be alone in my aunt's apartment...
no difference...
at all...

arghh!!!!

i've never felt so lonely before...
it takes losing every1 to feel this way.

the worst part,
that particular some1 just don't care.

what i totally am buffled with is the fact that
he is totally fine with every1 else.
i'm the only one getting the cold ignorant snap!!!

i'm scared.
if i ever will be forgotten.
i felt like i'm fading away.
it seems like,
now,
even when we crossed path,
he will not realise me being there.
i'm the invisible guy now.

from somebody i'm a wrecked nobody!!

arghh!!!!!

if i don't die of this,
i hope my cancer kills me!!!

[forgive me,GOD]

till then,

hate that ignorance of yours

dead

part of me..

2009-03-31T21:11:00.000+08:00

today,
i felt something...
something i never felt for a very long time.
i felt happy.
i felt alive.

that moment.
that instant.
part of me felt the happiness i long for.
but part of me realized something.
something very pivotal,
very awakening.

part of me was so tormented.
cause, at that very moment,
i knew, that could be as far as 'we' could go..
or ever will be..
i knew that very instant,
that he'll never be the same anymore.

part of me told me that i've lost him.
but did I??

i am really hoping that i'll wake up tomorrow morning..
only having this as my worst thoughts of all...

i don't want this to be true,,
pleasee...
tell me it's not.
tell me it's not true.
tell me it's not real.
tell me we still have hope.

please...

i need you to tell me.
please.
give me the reason to keep living.

till then,

inner lost...

2009-03-29T12:06:00.004+08:00

i can't complain...
i can't talk to anyone...
i can't whine about it...
cause' in the end...
i am wrong.
i am at fault.
i will be blamed.

so here...
i burst out my what i can't possibly keep in this shattered heart anymore...

just a simple,
ordinary,
old,
basketball...

yet it could cause great misundrstandings,
and severe damages in one's life.

i'm sorry sing,
i didn't know it was yours.
ramesh told me before i could keep it,
cause i have always wanted to play basketball.

since i don't have my on friends to play with,
it's easier to have the ball as my only company...
i can simply go and play alone,
and some people will actually want to play with me.
that feelin' is very overwhelming..
knowing you are not rejected.
knowing you are accepted.

i'm sorry again sing.
and now,you'll have it back.

i won't keep it anymore,
since people don't like me doing so.
and i owe you my gratitude for all the times the ball was wit me.
thank you so much.

i don't mind actually.
what i mind is that,
this had taken my only chance of playing..
the game i've loved since ever before.
you people robed that away from me.

for that,
i believed i don't owe any of you an apology.
it's the other way round.

this i will not forget.

i've lost my way in aimst.
i've lost my social life here.
i never really dare to even come out of my own room these days..
fear of not having anyone or anything to hold on to anymore.

the only time i felt alive,
is when i went out and play.
now,
it's gone.

[no judgement here]
[only my inner thoughts to the world]

till then,

shattered-lost-dying

hell with love

passing away...

2009-03-29T00:37:00.005+08:00

each life....

each moments....

that we all had....

in the past....

at the present....

and perhaps in future....

are all nothing more than mere borrowed minutes.

we ignored,

the fact that all of us somehow is and will leave...

in a way or another...

some took it for granted..

some just doesn't show it...

some just so gullible not knowing how to care.

let me tell you this.

each nanoseconds passed by,

there's a lost in all of us...

someone,

something,

with oblivious act...

we don't seem to notice.

each time we walk that line...

that fragile line in our life...

we lost someone.

we lost ourself.

we lost that littlest yet so dearest to us.

and we didn't do anything about it.

it has been a part of us...

the uncouth,

unconscious,

unacquainted.

to simply walk pass that line,

and push those littlest things away...

why?

[u may ask urself]

morones...

because,

you wanted so badly to push the lost away...

away from you.

so you won't have to bear the pain.

you won't have to face the bitterness of it.

SCREW YOU!!

don't do that.

even medically,

when you have 5% survival rate,

in medastatic melanoma [stage 4],

you should still fight,

so as the people around you.

for whatever it's worth for,

you deserve that chance.

noone,and really noone deserves to be deserted alone.

and noone even have the rights to do so,especially those loved most by that one

life passed away...

cut the naivity...

be realistic.

appreciate and cherish every moments you have with those you loved.

tell them,

in every possible ways,

even if you don't know,

or not used to it,

u still have to tell.

that's the least you can do.

it means the whole life for some people.

to love is nothing.

to be loved is something.

to love and to be loved,

that's everything.

that's the origin of friendship's citation actually.

**i've been diagnosed and prognosed**

i'm scared of the odds against me.

i resist further check-up and treatment.

i can't face this all by my own.

the odds are really bad.

i'm scared.

if it's positive,

evrything is shattered.

till then,

shattered-broken-pre-dying

i need you

nostalgic disposition

2009-03-27T13:10:00.004+08:00

there is just to much pain,
too much agony to endure,
too much of getting hurt,
this torment i can no longer take.

i am wounded,
forever wounded.
this scar i have..
so deep,
so vital.
it can't be healed.
not anymore.

i am too hurt.
too broken.
too shattered.
i can't recover.
i've tried,
it's just too much pain.
the body,
the mind,
the soul,
all is weak.
all has given up.

too fragile,
too vulnerable,
too debilitated,
i can fight no more.
even when there's so much more to life.
you took a pivotal part of me.
my soul.
my love.

some things in life never change,
sometimes in life you don't find reasons,
some moments aren't and never will be forgotten,
sometimes you lose hope,
i lost hope.
when time rolls by you,
try to forget,
what holds you on....
some people in life are a part of you,
and when you let them go,
or try the slightest to do so...
you never lose them..
all because,
you find them living in you.
always have,and always will.

newcomers passed by...
lighten our days..
in times you left those who were there before...
were there for you at all times.
so easily,
so effortless,
you forgot.
but...
they will always be there in your life.
truth be told,
they are a part of you.
perhaps one day...
you'll have the wisdom to see..
to know,
to realise,
what you have given up,
for temporal pleasures.

in times,u'll rot in guilt.
lives in the shadow of the devils.
no more absolution.
for what you have done,
there isn't any justice to the other one.

all you did was...
ignored,
let go,
forget,
don't care..

you murdered your friend.
your once upon a time friend.
that's what it is now.
that's what i am.

why?
why??
tell me FUCKING WHY????

what have i done so wrong to you??
all i've done is and was...
to love you as my friend,a brother i never had,
a torch of lightful hope in my life.

i tried every single day,
to learn to be better,
to forgive,
to forget,
to understand,
to pretend and hide all my sorrows.

you knew better.
you knew me better,
than anyone else in my life.
yet, you chose to push me away.
you chose this,not me.
you left me crestfallen.
this is on you.

be a man of values rather than a man of success.

we all can be at the verge of success.
but at least do it in the right way.
i am a man of flaws and imperfections,
who tried to be better each day.
but that doesn't make you perfect,does it?
i put my studies in priority too...
we all have equal shares of time in life...
we all have our tasks,
our commitments...
some might have more to fret and worry over...
does it gives any of us the right to push a friend aside??
does it give any of us the right to give up on??
does it give any of us the right to waste this friendship we all built from the start??
does it give any of us the right to neglect,ignore this matter and let time takes it toll over us??
does it????!!!!!!!

DOES IT????!!!!!

if it FUCKING DOES to you...
then, [as much as you can judge me,then give me this one chance] you're not the person i once knew.

if it DOESN'T to you....
ponder on this and ask,

IS IT WORTH IT??

we are all better than this.
losing one person might not affect any of you...
but have you thought of that one??
it might be the whole world is against him..
don't take that life away from him.
with GOD's grace and power,
i humbly plead.

even GOD forgives..
even GOD never give up...
why can't any of you?

[no judgement made here]
[just a totally shattered-broken-dying young soul voicing out to reach his friends]

till then,

broken-shattered-lost-dying soul-suicidal

[listen to my plea]

so sick!!

2009-03-24T01:58:00.003+08:00

i was so sick today...
i meant yesterday-monday...
went for lecture...
let me tell ya...

it was fucking agony!!
i was in major pain all the time...
been puking the whole day..

10am went back and slept till 3.30pm..
puking in betweens...
can't recall the countless times i puked...

so sick.
can't stand it.
seen doc dy.
no change.
need help.
urgent.
don't want to be alone in this.

please stop being ignorant.
it's like a disease in you makin' me more sick.

till then,

heavily broken-shattered-sosick heart

xoxo

have you ever???

2009-03-23T04:32:00.003+08:00

i've thought of you,
every second,
every minute,
every hour,
of every day.

i missed you,
every moment,
every beat,
every breath,
that passes me by.

I JUST NEVER LET YOU KNOW.

cause you don't care.

i'm your friend for Christ's sake!

HAVE YOU EVER???????

angel of death

2009-03-23T03:59:00.004+08:00

graciously GOD....
today i've found out something...
something so vital...
so real & true.

inescapable,
unwanted to most people,
a predicament with no ends,
as it is the end.

somehow,or someone told me:

well, that's true enough.
HE is coming for me...
my time is near.

my angel of death,shall you take me??

i know, it seems a tad too much...

but it's a pivotal truth here.

it's sOO typical though...

i've always wanted for death to come to me..

now that i'm an inch closer to it's grip,

the fear is beyond me.

so much things left undone,

so much thoughts left unsaid,

so much of me, left shattered,unpicked.

all i need is more time.

dear GOD,grant me that.

what can i lose more?

when i've lost everything?

'when you have nothing,you have nothing to lose'

this pain,

this sickness you gave me,

it is possible to cure before it's too late.

give me the strength and wisdom to do so.

grandma, i need you now.

dad,take me back home.

mum,meet me one day.

grandpa,do come back.

btu buddies,you're all i have.

lil bro,miss you.

GOD,end me this instant,i can't take it no more.

till then,

broken-shattered-dying

amen

unanswered

2009-03-22T03:04:00.003+08:00

history repeats itself,
you never did give me any answer.

2 days passed,
i waited with hopes and faith,
yet,your ignorance got the best of you.

'ignorance is hell's bliss'

why?
kept asking myself that....
still, it does not make any sense.

some might say i'm a fool,
hoping and keep holding on to this false emotions....
but i say, it's persistence in friendship.

you gave up.
i didn't.

i hate what we both have become.
it's too late for regrets,
but not to make amends for it.

hope is our saving grace.

i'm still here,
while my broken heart can still take it.

once it's shattered,
i can no longer live to forgive.

till then,

heavily broken

xoxo

mend this broken heart....

crossing over

it's a new dawn...

of the 'fish mouth'

eeegleeeee!!!!!

movie-lonesome

b-ball...

all screwed-up!!

damnation? blessing?

lost hope.

..broken-hearted???

...morning terror...

aleen's b-day!!!

updates!! [xoxo]

sympatico

b'day Sherlyn!!

bubbly fido...

tues-flash!!

b'day Max!!!!!

saturday fever!

belated b'day[sorry]

vuitton-freak..

the walk...

b'day Gavin Man!!!

flutter,flutter~~

frustration-alert!

gawai dayak!!

googling~~

randomness once more...

apology

FAKE YOU!!!

to make you feel my love

morning glory =P

pandemonium

knuckled!!

summer blast!!

all intricated...

part of me..

inner lost...

passing away...

nostalgic disposition

so sick!!

have you ever???

*angel of death*

unanswered

angel of death