♥ Romemacedonia Janggau Cyril
♥ narcissism+sarcasm in nature
♥ fashion is my passion
♥ evokes vanity+immaturity
♥ love cherries
♥ love vintage & haute-couture
♥ craves 4 his own DSLR!
♥ broken-hearted & tryin' 2 move on
♥ complicated & a difficult friend
♥ my past, my regrets, my remorse
♥ tryin' 2 make it in medic, longin' 2 b a designer
♥ not a believer of fairy tales & happy endings..
♥ gave up on love
♥ loves his friends but sucks at showin' it
♥ yet, my friends r my life..
- yours truly, rome




// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

i can't complain...
i can't talk to anyone...
i can't whine about it...
cause' in the end...
i am wrong.
i am at fault.
i will be blamed.

so here...
i burst out my what i can't possibly keep in this shattered heart anymore...


just a simple,
ordinary,
old,
basketball...

yet it could cause great misundrstandings,
and severe damages in one's life.

i'm sorry sing,
i didn't know it was yours.
ramesh told me before i could keep it,
cause i have always wanted to play basketball.

since i don't have my on friends to play with,
it's easier to have the ball as my only company...
i can simply go and play alone,
and some people will actually want to play with me.
that feelin' is very overwhelming..
knowing you are not rejected.
knowing you are accepted.

i'm sorry again sing.
and now,you'll have it back.

i won't keep it anymore,
since people don't like me doing so.
and i owe you my gratitude for all the times the ball was wit me.
thank you so much.


i don't mind actually.
what i mind is that,
this had taken my only chance of playing..
the game i've loved since ever before.
you people robed that away from me.

for that,
i believed i don't owe any of you an apology.
it's the other way round.

this i will not forget.

i've lost my way in aimst.
i've lost my social life here.
i never really dare to even come out of my own room these days..
fear of not having anyone or anything to hold on to anymore.

the only time i felt alive,
is when i went out and play.
now,
it's gone.


[no judgement here]
[only my inner thoughts to the world]


till then,





// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥






// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥



there is just to much pain,
too much agony to endure,
too much of getting hurt,
this torment i can no longer take.

i am wounded,
forever wounded.
this scar i have..
so deep,
so vital.
it can't be healed.
not anymore.

i am too hurt.
too broken.
too shattered.
i can't recover.
i've tried,
it's just too much pain.
the body,
the mind,
the soul,
all is weak.
all has given up.

too fragile,
too vulnerable,
too debilitated,
i can fight no more.
even when there's so much more to life.
you took a pivotal part of me.
my soul.
my love.

some things in life never change,
sometimes in life you don't find reasons,
some moments aren't and never will be forgotten,
sometimes you lose hope,
i lost hope.
when time rolls by you,
try to forget,
what holds you on....
some people in life are a part of you,
and when you let them go,
or try the slightest to do so...
you never lose them..
all because,
you find them living in you.
always have,and always will.

newcomers passed by...
lighten our days..
in times you left those who were there before...
were there for you at all times.
so easily,
so effortless,
you forgot.
but...
they will always be there in your life.
truth be told,
they are a part of you.
perhaps one day...
you'll have the wisdom to see..
to know,
to realise,
what you have given up,
for temporal pleasures.

in times,u'll rot in guilt.
lives in the shadow of the devils.
no more absolution.
for what you have done,
there isn't any justice to the other one.

all you did was...
ignored,
let go,
forget,
don't care..

you murdered your friend.
your once upon a time friend.
that's what it is now.
that's what i am.

why?
why??
tell me FUCKING WHY????

what have i done so wrong to you??
all i've done is and was...
to love you as my friend,a brother i never had,
a torch of lightful hope in my life.

i tried every single day,
to learn to be better,
to forgive,
to forget,
to understand,
to pretend and hide all my sorrows.

you knew better.
you knew me better,
than anyone else in my life.
yet, you chose to push me away.
you chose this,not me.
you left me crestfallen.
this is on you.

be a man of values rather than a man of success.

we all can be at the verge of success.
but at least do it in the right way.
i am a man of flaws and imperfections,
who tried to be better each day.
but that doesn't make you perfect,does it?
i put my studies in priority too...
we all have equal shares of time in life...
we all have our tasks,
our commitments...
some might have more to fret and worry over...
does it gives any of us the right to push a friend aside??
does it give any of us the right to give up on??
does it give any of us the right to waste this friendship we all built from the start??
does it give any of us the right to neglect,ignore this matter and let time takes it toll over us??
does it????!!!!!!!

DOES IT????!!!!!

if it FUCKING DOES to you...
then, [as much as you can judge me,then give me this one chance] you're not the person i once knew.

if it DOESN'T to you....
ponder on this and ask,

IS IT WORTH IT??

we are all better than this.
losing one person might not affect any of you...
but have you thought of that one??
it might be the whole world is against him..
don't take that life away from him.
with GOD's grace and power,
i humbly plead.

even GOD forgives..
even GOD never give up...
why can't any of you?

[no judgement made here]
[just a totally shattered-broken-dying young soul voicing out to reach his friends]



till then,

// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

i was so sick today...
i meant yesterday-monday...
went for lecture...
let me tell ya...

it was fucking agony!!
i was in major pain all the time...
been puking the whole day..

10am went back and slept till 3.30pm..
puking in betweens...
can't recall the countless times i puked...

so sick.
can't stand it.
seen doc dy.
no change.
need help.
urgent.
don't want to be alone in this.

please stop being ignorant.
it's like a disease in you makin' me more sick.


till then,




// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

i've thought of you,
every second,
every minute,
every hour,
of every day.

i missed you,
every moment,
every beat,
every breath,
that passes me by.

I JUST NEVER LET YOU KNOW.

cause you don't care.

i'm your friend for Christ's sake!

HAVE YOU EVER???????

// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥
graciously GOD....
today i've found out something...
something so vital...
so real & true.

inescapable,
unwanted to most people,
a predicament with no ends,
as it is the end.

somehow,or someone told me:



well, that's true enough.
HE is coming for me...
my time is near.





// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

history repeats itself,
you never did give me any answer.

2 days passed,
i waited with hopes and faith,
yet,your ignorance got the best of you.

'ignorance is hell's bliss'

why?
kept asking myself that....
still, it does not make any sense.

some might say i'm a fool,
hoping and keep holding on to this false emotions....
but i say, it's persistence in friendship.

you gave up.
i didn't.

i hate what we both have become.
it's too late for regrets,
but not to make amends for it.

hope is our saving grace.

i'm still here,
while my broken heart can still take it.

once it's shattered,
i can no longer live to forgive.


till then,



// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥


// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥




// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

apologies for that.

been squeezing my 'gray matter' and regurgitating my inner thoughts....

all for the 1 and only critical review in this term....

newayss...

mission accomplished!!!

&&&

i'm loving it!!

it's like my master-piece....

muahahaha.....

deep down inside,

at a molecular level,

passionately,

instinctively,

i've always loved writing.

it felt so much alive in me,

despite the many years people tried to pull me out of it.

the indulgence is there, i guessed.

inking all your inner-deep thoughts and emotions

make all of those frets in life just fly away...

creating your own made-belief world.

it gives you the confidence beyond any superior authority.

it makes you see that 'person' in you, whom you thought had died a long time ago.

but,

no matter how you write,

or express,

or let go,

that pain and agony will never go away.

it will haunt you all the time.

'i love you, but i've chosen darkness'

that's a line of citation i've came across this past few days..

it hits me..

you never realised how much you loved someone...

that someone never realised either...

in the end, that love which has no appreciation turns one of those two into

the most unexpected, form of darkness.

the resemblence of death.

his soul has been murdered.

nothing can ever bring that back

reincarnation is over-rated.

****

so much of emotive burst there...

that's me..

at least the 'me' that i know now.

no longer and possibly never the same ever.

been to starbucks gain laznyte...

alone, by myself...

spent the whole evening till midnight there.

my spot of inner piece.

dwelling in me till now.

been solo almost every single day now..

then, i got this one SMS from a friend of mine yesterday..

'i love you though'

that's what the text read..

warm tears rolled down my cheek instantly..

i didn't know where that come from..

it's nice to know there's someone out there..

who still loves you as a friend...

not embarassed of telling you either.

thank you so much.

'i love you too'

been so bleak these days...

pills have been my saving grace...

yea,i know it's idiotic..

went to clinic the other day..

was told,

'you have bacterial infection on your intestinal system'

watta???

haizz....

i guess my addiction has come to the max.point now...

i should relive the days i still have..

it's a very daunting task..

losing your own friends and besties...

to make things even worst,

it's all my fault.

at some point,

there's no point of living anymore.

when all [not seemingly] falls apart.

till then,

heart of a heavily broken

xoxo

// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

*mouth shut*

Tuesday, March 17, 2009 3/17/2009 11:21:00 PM

*mouth shut*

i've kept my mouth shut from the start,

i guess i left you in the dark,

you thought you knew me but u DON'T.

you told me you love me but you WON'T,

when you found out who I am.

i kept my mouth shut for too long,

all this time you got me wrong,

now you and I are in this too far,

and you have chosen to break my heart apart,

tear everything we had apart into pieces of junk.

now,

won't keep my mouth shut anymore.

had my shares of closing doors.

and now i know,

i am not afraid any longer,

it's too late for regrets.

i have kept it all inside of me all this time,

thought i could make us work,

if i just tried,

and tried,

and tried harder,

and tried even harder.

it's a drainer.

but, i have to admit it now,

i've been living a life of lies.

this moment,

i know it was wrong,

i wish we never have started this,

never have gone this far.

i should have known better,

i should have told you,

that 'us' will not last.

i'm feeling lost and derailed,

after what had happened.

the reasons are gone,

for why i was holding onto you.

i tried so DAMN,FUCKIN' hard to be the one,

it was all for nothing to you.

i ended up hating the person i've become.

my own reflection-i detest.

my own image-i repulse.

my own self-i KILLED.

i can never measure up,

to anyone in your eyes.

i am NOT perfect,

that i admit and fully aware of.

i am a mess of my own.

you are my reason,

and you took that away,

i'm left with nothing.

i was losing myself to you,

but now i see,

i can't pretend anymore,

is this the end for you and me???

cause' the kind of friend you want,

is tearing us apart,

cause' they are everything i'm not,

isn't that true???

if it's too much to ask,

please forgive me.

i can't stand this anymore.

please end this game.

that i beg from you,

and please give me the reasons,

for you have been mine.

there was a time,

when i thought it would be different for us,

evrything was different this time.

i guess it was all an illusion,

was blinded by the temporal joy and happiness.

for once in my life,

i felt genuinely happy when i was with you,

felt i was at place,

felt like i've found the missing pieces in me,

felt much as someone worth more than i used to.

you robbed me from all that.

you ripped my heart.

you broke my life chamber.

you emptied my void.

you gave me hatred.

you make me prone to anger.

you ruined me.

you murdered me,my soul.

i was left to burn with my heart wide open.

nothing can ever mend that back.

i still love you my dear friend.

always will.

once close friends,you'll be in my heart for a lifetime.

i may not be in yours,

that you have made so clear to me.

i will never recover from this.

for all you have given me and taken away from me.

you are my scar.

if fate has it,

and we'll never cross path after this,

i hope you'll finally realise.

and it's too late by then.

cause' i've lost you, and you've lost me.

that's the guilt you'll have to live with,

for the rest of your remaining life.

as well as i am

till then,

from a heavily broken-hearted

-dead-

// ♥♥♥ with love, rOme by rome ♥♥♥

Does the pain weigh out the pride??

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Did someone break your heart inside??

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